a 12 step program to emotional freedom

Fri, 26 Nov 2004 22:31:29 GMT

Moving to futurepostcards so update if you actually read.

Turkey with buckshot.

Fri, 26 Nov 2004 02:16:24 GMT

By Tomer Hanuka.
That's kinda how I've been feeling lately.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO EVERYONE.

**Just so everyone who actually cares to read what I write knows, I'm seriously considering setting up shop at Suicide Girls in attempts to help gain exposure by writing for them and using the journal they provide as a gateway into Cyanide, because I really want to get it up in print and start working towards building a powerhouse literary company out of it. I already have a few strings I can pull with a publishing house and a few authors for it. Maybe even set up a literary bar, because of it. Use it as the storefront to sell the magazine and any of the books we get to publish. Been considering a few places to set up shop if I actually decide to do so. San Fransisco, Denver, New Orleans, Seattle, Portland, and Dallas, but it'll most likely end up on the west coast if I'm able to do it. I'm not a fan of the east coast.

I want to write and that's the main thing. I just don't want to have to work a job I hate while I'm doing what I like and love. Bartending at my own bar wouldn't suck if I could do it. Hell especially if the bar had a pimpin' library selection and coffee set up. Book readings before anything else though, even concerts. One dream...

x-posted.

Online Shopping Opinions.

Tue, 09 Nov 2004 18:16:16 GMT

Threadless is offering a lot of reprints in the countdown till christmas and there are actually quite a few I'm considering. But I don't want to get everything I desire, because then I'll be broke so if you would be so kind as to tell me which you think would be awesome of the ones I throw up here and I may order between 3 and 4.

So here we go.

option number oo1:: *Consumable.
option number oo2:: Shadow Bunny.
option number oo3:: *It's Better to Own.
option number oo4:: *Swineherd Liberation Front.
option number oo5:: 5311 0U7.
option number oo6:: Choice.
option number oo7:: *Eighty One Gemini.
option number oo8:: threadless.
* = what I'm leaning towards currently.

Okay and KID ROBOT has the coolest toys ever. I especially like the Gloomy Bear and Ugly Dolls they sell [both in the plush section].

Pillars of the Nationalist Party.

Thu, 04 Nov 2004 20:53:10 GMT

NATIONALIST PARTY. Take one.

Pillars of the Nationalist Party
The pillars of the party are a belief of aspects that need to be improved in the political parties and government that need reform and massive overhauling to make them functional again. Also they are the governing beliefs that guide the principles of the party.

1. UNITIFICATION - Unity is the prime goal of any party and ours is no different. "United we stand, divided we fall." Words we live by. In an effort to live in a united country, we work to bridge all citizens by making things equal and as accomodating as possible. This means we compromise. We do not compromise who we are, but the policies that define our culture. No member of the party is being asked to set aside their values and their personal beliefs for the party, but rather we are looking for the moderate solution, the one that the majority of society can agree on. It's easier to pass legislation if you already cover the basics within in the policy. Unity.

2. COMMUNICATION - Communication seems to be the one thing missing in our society today, but there is an over abundance of means for contact. We make it a point to encourage communication with our fellow Americans and to keep all lines of communication available to each member that needs the information to do their job. Theirs no point in having a President if he is incapable of being in touch with his citizens. He just finds out every four years. That's a flawed system. He needs to be in contact everyday. Same with all Congressmen/women. How can you represent a group of people if you do not keep all lines of communication open to them? For that we recommend a forum be held with the citizens at least four times a year. Our representatives are delegates not trustees. We must be able to communicate. Communication.

3. PROTECTION - A government is a social system brough together by the citizens to provide for their common interests. The common interests of this country were outlined in the Declaration of Independence, Constitution, and Bill of Rights. Party members believe that all rights of each citizen must be protected under our governmental system. So everyone will have the basic rights that are outline to the fullest potential of the law. Implied rights, like the right to privacy, will be examined and protected to the extent that the government can provide for. They are not basic rights though, so they may be compromised through time. We do, however; refuse to infringe any of the ten basic rights, three inalienable rights, and the right to vote. Plus, the government's job is to anticipate and provide for the common defense of the nation. Anticipate and act in accordance to the situation. Protection.

4. PROGRESSION - Our party believes that progress must be made in all aspects, even if it means baby stepping it all the way to the finish line. As morals and social values change we will encourage the progress or retract from it, but we will always be moving forward. Never backwards. Progression.

The last is not a pillar so to speak, but a guideline that follows the idea of compromise to seek progress.
5. MODERATION - If you walk the middle it doesn't mean you don't have a stance, it means you are willing to compromise in an effort to keep America moving forward. You can paint the picture of fence straddlers if we were to have a stance on both sides of the issue or if we didn't have a stance, but we will have clear cut stances that follows the course Americans want us to take. The middle road is the smart way to govern America and therefore we walk it. Moderation.

Political stances on several of the important issues in our society and the argument for a new party coming next.

In other news, have you hugged your Kerry suppoter today? That's right I'm mocking the whiney bitches online [and in real life] that are pissed that their canidate was defeated. Whining solves nothing, so save us all the wasted time listening to you on our friends pages and either put it behind a cut or keep it to yourself. Now if you are going to be a problem solver then go for it, but don't just bitch to bitch. I'm sure everyone gets enough of that crap at work [as a matter of fact, don't bitch about it at work, because people don't want to put up with it there either] and the last thing they want to do is come home to their friends page to find you bitching about something beyond you. Quit your bitching, quit your derogatory insults, and quit your bigotry. You think you aren't, but wouldn't your complete disregard and closed-mindedness towards conservatives and Republicans [both of which many of you generalize beyond proportion that it's just sickening]be the very thing you think you are not. I think so. So shut up, no one wants to hear it. Be productive, not a burden. Use your right to free speech productively, don't abuse it. That's it for the day, so run out and hug anyone that's whining about the results.

BUSH makes history.

Wed, 03 Nov 2004 16:52:21 GMT

Whether you like him or hate him, you'll be hearing about him for several decades. He'll be showing up in history books soon.

1st President to lose the popular vote his first term to come back and win his re-election.

1st President to win more than 50% of the vote since 1988.

1st President to win with both houses of Congress being Republican since 1900.

And President with the highest number of votes in his favor. [c. 58 million]

When all the electoral votes are tallied it appears that Bush walks away with 286. That's Ohio, Iowa, New Mexico, and Nevada falling in his category. So his re-election has drawn more support than his previous election.

Kerry wil give his concession speech at 1pm Eastern time. Oh class this evening wil be very interesting since my teacher did not support Bush and he can't bitch about voter fraud, because everything is being reported as going smoothly. Full kudos to Bush for defying the media's projections. Full kudos to Karl Rove for orchestrating one of the greatest campaigns in recent history. And full kudos to Kerry for making it close. You have to admire the fact that he at least gave the president a run for his money. In the end it was a good campaign season and it had a great turnout and that's all one could ever hope for.

And some political correspondent said this last night and I couldn't help but laugh: Remember pacifists can't fight back, they don't believe in it.

On a side note: Afghanistan has it's first elected president as well now. Making history all around the world November 3rd.

This is your TREAT.

Mon, 01 Nov 2004 06:47:53 GMT

Without you I die a little inside everynight. I wish I could tie my penguin to my back and stick on wings so I could fly to see her.

Cyanide Magazine's first issue is up. Yours truly has an editorial and a poem up in it. Here's what I toyed with today. I'm not feeling it. Enjoy yourselves. Happy Halloween.

He crept from the kitchen, a skewer in his right held tight, knuckles white. The knives laid buried in a box taped shut for the move and he didn't know if he had time to look for them. Not after seeing the cop's body nailed to the wall with stakes. His head doubled over so that he resembled a contortionist, or a teenager attempting self-fellatio. Two stakes pierced his shoulder blades and tore through the wall, they were bent to prevent the body from falling. His hands pinned to his sides in the same manner. The wall behind him painted blue now had a darker tint. His brain hung by the stem in his skull and the top portion of skull laid on the floor in front of him. Jeffery saw this and ran straight for the kitchen, hoping to find something to arm himself in case the person behind the cop's murder was still in the house, stalking behind curtains and doors. He had found a phone by the sink in the kitchen and tried to dial out. The numbers made no noise when hit them, but it made noise, a static scream, a child in the distance being torn apart limb by limb. He puked in the sink. He never let the skewer go as he spit blood and partially digested food into the sink. He had to find Kayla.

Beebread, Snuff, and Man Bites Dog

Sun, 31 Oct 2004 08:06:33 GMT

I have to give credit to one of my coworkers, they have an interesting blog. It's one that I seriously don't mind reading what she writes when she does write, because she makes life sound enjoyable, interesting, entertaining. Well, maybe not always enjoyable, but the mundane things of life she writes with success and most people fail in that regard and that's why they try to write about how precious their loved one is or how superior their car is or how they are so sad and that everyone should feel sad for them. Whatever it's bullshit. I think people should learn to write well. If you want to blog, then make it worth my time and effort and I want to thank Poptart for doing just that. Of course I'm fortunate enough to have inside information so that I understand some of her coding and know who she's refering to when she uses various names, but if I didn't know I what I do know, I would still read.

Basically, she's better than me and I don't admit that often. Maybe she'll let me read what's in her trunk someday. [She has a trunk full of notebooks and journals filled with writing, and being a writer I want to read it more than I want to fuck on Valentine's.]

beebread

Moving right along. National Novel Writing Month approaches at an old man's pace, and then again I'm expecting him to scream past me in his Porsche. I've changed my mind several times on story and characters and since have split the one story plot into two with various characters being tossed aside. I have a complex cast system [I like a lot of people, all related in some extent (not familially) so that I can develop complex stories with them, like weaving] so that I can kill them all in a glorious manner. My own haunted house special, where everyone dies and the killer reprises his role in the sequel. Two plot lines does not make for easy writing, because both want to be written. So I have Snuff and Man Bites Dog. The first concept circles around snuff films and the clues they leave for one man to find his missing fiance after he's released from prison. The second follows a detective a few days before retiring early [in his mid thirties] when a serial killer lets loose a bizarre and complex series of murders that leave clues for the detective. I think I may work on Man Bites Dog more, solely based on the fact that I'm more aware of how I want certain things to work, but because of the complexity of the crimes and murders committed I'm not sure that is exactly the route I want to pursue, since it'll require more research than I have time for. Such as Criminal Psychology, Forensics, Classical Literature References, and Geography. MBD promises not to let anything to fall to coincidence in its meticulousness. While Snuff works more off the characters and observations. So it would be easier to write, if I knew kinda of how I wanted to do it better. Eh anyway, I more or less needed to vocalize this so that I would make sure to work on it. Goodnight.

Critiques

Fri, 29 Oct 2004 17:22:05 GMT

The past few days I've been working on trying to get reviews completed for Cyanide Magazine and get to work writing the editorial when I realized more people aspire to write than can actually accomplish mere feat. I know it takes an ounce of skill to write and bucket of patience, but it takes even more to edit. So I'm reading and reviewing and sending feedback to each applicant when I stumble across this one gentleman that for no reason on Earth should be considered a good writer. Matter of fact, he can't even recognize good writing or the style of writing that he tries to emulate. So I send him my review, very tasteful, professional, and only suggesting a few things so as to encourage him into the right direction. Then he responded with a hackneyed attempt to try and show me where I had done him injustice in my critique and then proceeded to show me that I was stupid and could not recognize talent or skill. I think I might of burst someone's bubble and touched a nerve with them it seems. So I sent him a reply telling him that in the matter of being professional, I would not respond to any future emails and made a quick reference to some of the things he had mentioned in a quick rebutal. Nothing lengthy, because I don't need to justify myself to him. That's not how editting works. When you are the writer you have to justify yourself to the editor, to the agent, to the publisher. So he responded again after I told him I was going to pay attention or give a rat's ass if he did and it was the most hilarious thing I've ever read. Not only did he condemn Chuck Palahniuk for being too philosophical, he claims that Craig Clevenger [The Contortionist Handbook] is a failed immitator of the beatnik generation, Will Christopher Baer [Kiss Me, Judas] is too cliche, and Bret Easton Ellis [American Psycho] could be good, depending on what followed. Then he proceeded to say that these authors are the epitome of horrible writing and it was obvious that I could not recognize good writing if it hit me in the face. I thought it was funny that he has this dellusion of grandeur about his skill that is unprecedented in anything I've ever seen.

Seldom do I really answer those who criticize my work. In fact, the entire development of my career has been fueled by my ability to ignore denigrating and trivializing criticism as I realize my dreams and my goals. However there is something compelling about Amazon's willingness to publish just about anything, and the sheer outrageous stupidity of many things you've said here that actually touches my proletarian and Democratic soul. Also I use and enjoy Amazon and I do read the reviews of other people's books in many fields. In sum, I believe in what happens here. And so, I speak. First off, let me say that this is addressed only to some of you, who have posted outrageously negative comments here, and not to all. You are interrogating this text from the wrong perspective. Indeed, you aren't even reading it. You are projecting your own limitations on it. And you are giving a whole new meaning to the words "wide readership." And you have strained my Dickensean principles to the max. I'm justifiably proud of being read by intellectual giants and waitresses in trailer parks,in fact, I love it, but who in the world are you? Now to the book. Allow me to point out: nowhere in this text are you told that this is the last of the chronicles, nowhere are you promised curtain calls or a finale, nowhere are you told there will be a wrap-up of all the earlier material. The text tells you exactly what to expect. And it warns you specifically that if you did not enjoy Memnoch the Devil, you may not enjoy this book. This book is by and about a hero whom many of you have already rejected. And he tells you that you are likely to reject him again. And this book is most certainly written -- every word of it -- by me. If and when I can't write a book on my own, you'll know about it. And no, I have no intention of allowing any editor ever to distort, cut, or otherwise mutilate sentences that I have edited and re-edited, and organized and polished myself. I fought a great battle to achieve a status where I did not have to put up with editors making demands on me, and I will never relinquish that status. For me, novel writing is a virtuoso performance. It is not a collaborative art. Back to the novel itself: the character who tells the tale is my Lestat. I was with him more closely than I have ever been in this novel; his voice was as powerful for me as I've ever heard it. I experienced break through after break through as I walked with him, moved with him, saw through his eyes. What I ask of Lestat, Lestat unfailingly gives. For me, three hunting scenes, two which take place in hotels -- the lone woman waiting for the hit man, the slaughter at the pimp's party -- and the late night foray into the slums --stand with any similar scenes in all of the chronicles. They can be read aloud without a single hitch. Every word is in perfect place. The short chapter in which Lestat describes his love for Rowan Mayfair was for me a totally realized poem. There are other such scenes in this book. You don't get all this? Fine. But I experienced an intimacy with the character in those scenes that shattered all prior restraints, and when one is writing one does have to continuously and courageously fight a destructive tendency to inhibition and restraint. Getting really close to the subject matter is the achievement of only great art. Now, if it doesn't appeal to you, fine. You don't enjoy it? Read somebody else. But your stupid arrogant assumptions about me and what I am doing are slander. And you have used this site as if it were a public urinal to publish falsehood and lies. I'll never challenge your democratic freedom to do so, and yes, I'm answering you, but for what it's worth, be assured of the utter contempt I feel for you, especially those of you who post anonymously (and perhaps repeatedly?) and how glad I am that this book is the last one in a series that has invited your hateful and ugly responses. Now, to return to the narrative in question: Lestat's wanting to be a saint is a vision larded through and through with his characteristic vanity. It connects perfectly with his earlier ambitions to be an actor in Paris, a rock star in the modern age. If you can't see that, you aren't reading my work. In his conversation with the Pope he makes observations on the times which are in continuity with his observations on the late twentieth century in The Vampire Lestat, and in continuity with Marius' observations in that book and later in Queen of the Damned. The state of the world has always been an important theme in the chronicles. Lestat's comments matter. Every word he speaks is part of the achievement of this book. That Lestat renounced this saintly ambition within a matter of pages is plain enough for you to see. That he reverts to his old self is obvious, and that he intends to complete the tale of Blackwood Farm is also quite clear. There are many other themes and patterns in this work that I might mention -- the interplay between St.Juan Diago and Lestat, the invisible creature who doesn't "exist" in the eyes of the world is a case in point. There is also the theme of the snare of Blackwood Farm, the place where a human existence becomes so beguiling that Lestat relinquishes his power as if to a spell. The entire relationship between Lestat and Uncle Julien is carefully worked out. But I leave it to readers to discover how this complex and intricate novel establishes itself within a unique, if not unrivalled series of book. There are things to be said. And there is pleasure to be had. And readers will say wonderful things about Blood Canticle and they already are. There are readers out there and plenty of them who cherish the individuality of each of the chronicles which you so flippantly condemn. They can and do talk circles around you. And I am warmed by their response. Their letters, the papers they write in school, our face to face exchanges on the road -- these things sustain me when I read the utter trash that you post. But I feel I have said enough. If this reaches one reader who is curious about my work and shocked by the ugly reviews here, I've served my goals. And Yo, you dude, the slang police! Lestat talks like I do. He always has and he always will. You really wouldn't much like being around either one of us. And you don't have to be. If any of you want to say anything about all this by all means Email me at Anneobrienrice@mac.com. And if you want your money back for the book, send it to 1239 First Street, New Orleans, La, 70130. I'm not a coward about my real name or where I live. And yes, the Chronicles are no more! Thank God!

Taken from her review of Blood Canticle by Anne Rice on Amazon.com

So my advice to any person trying to write ever. Do not insult your editor, agent, publisher. They are the ones paying your bills and putting food on your plate. Be prepared to justify all of what you have written if they object to it. Structure, concept, scenes, word choice, everything. Again, don't insult your editor. It's a professional business be professional or you'll end up the water cooler joke of the month at the office.

As for Cyanide, we will begin taking submissions for the spring issue shortly as the deadline for the winter's draws close on November 1st. If you want to be an ass [like me] and submit a story or poem or art piece at the last second [like I will] feel free to do just that. I will have an editorial in the issue for sure and possibly a story unseen or one I've posted a snip of on here or futurepostcards. So enjoy. I'll post again when the issue is up and ready to go.

A Kite Stuck in the Clouds

Mon, 25 Oct 2004 05:05:26 GMT

It's beautiful. Several dozen doves fly from their white cathedral out the front door and into the wild open. A shotgun sounds the joyous beginning of a life to come and all the birds keep flying free. The room turns from the sight of birds drifting against the gray sky towards the front where every woman wears white and every man wears black. Except the man holding the book. He wears white like the women. One in particular had hid her face the entire day and it kills me to see it now, because I want to take it in my hands and merge it with mine, but I'm sure no one wants to see it. See how I push her over to the floor and desecrate the altar daring His Holiest to strike me impotent. See how as I push in a needle to enhance the color of white and the feeling of her insides, wet like velvet, caressing like velvet. No not here, not now.

A tear swells in her eye and I dab at it as we start to run, straight towards the door. Running towards our freedom, our new life. The doors shut, no, men stand in the door blocking our exit. They push everyone back into the room and call out my name. I stand, demand, and quiet when the butt of a rifle connects to my jaw breaking it, not in half, but enough. Two men grab me by both shoulders and cuff my hands behind my back and drag me along the aisle into a world that personifies the color red, my toes dragging behind me. They stop in front of a suit and he grabs a gun and cracks it on my nose, blood squirts from a gash between my eyes. I can only see in shades of blurred crimson. A man passes with a sqaure in his hands and I only make out the letters 'oline.' Fear catches in my throat like the egg of a marshmellow chick. A world of white tainted red. The clouds will cry like the Virgin Mary and no one will think of this day in the same light ever again. History made from my name.

I look behind me and hear the screams and see the red building leaping towards the crying clouds, trying to bring them down like a kite stuck in a tree.

***

I wake on the bed and grab at the bars. They tell me to change and I'm looking at the sky for the first time in three years. It's red and a few doves fly across the sky. I relate too much to movies, mind plays tricks, unreal. The red never fades. A kite stuck in the clouds is like a dream that never releases you when you wake.

Political Mumble Jumble.

Sun, 24 Oct 2004 07:09:46 GMT

I'm sick and tired of all the vote this guy, no vote this guy bullshit. I'm voting tomorrow and I don't want to see another political thing until the 2nd, when I plop myself in front of the television with my Halloween candy and eagerly await Kerry's defeat. [Just my thought, but if he hasn't put Bush away by now it's not happening. Not with the statistics showing that every time the Incumbent is leading after September he always wins.] The only thing going to change this race is if the US were to be attacked again, [knock on wood] and Bush did a dismal job responding.

Also be aware of the poll numbers as well. If you see a poll that says 20% of blah blah blah, make sure that 20% isn't out of 657 people. That's not a scientific sample. That's a block in Washington. If it doesn't have more than 10k for a sample size it's not going to be an accurate portrayal by any means. If it doesn't pull from every region in the US it won't be one either. So look into both things before you buy into the numbers you are being told. CNN has been doing that a lot lately. My favorite was the 98% of Egyptians hate Americans statistic, turned into 98% of Egyptians polled in a Cairo marketplace hate Bush. Seriously what is the likelihood that they sampled more than 1000 people in one marketplace in Cairo? That's just utter journalistic bullshit.

Another one that I want to hear [I know there are several questions I want to ask Bush, but this is for Kerry right now], what allies are you bringing to the table that haven't restated their desire to help us in Iraq is zilch? Germany? No Shroedor said there is no possibility the day of the third debate. France? No, Chirac has said that Iraq was a mistake and there is no way they would lend aid. They refuse to lend aid through the UN. Russia? No, Putin's currently trying to refocus the power in the executive branch, he can't afford to waste time in Iraq, especially since he too has said no he would not help around the same time as the school massacre there. So who Mr. Kerry, who?

Now Bush, I know that 2/3 of America does not support gay marriage, but only a measley 41% support the amendment to ban it, so why persist with it? [I know the reason is to motivate the Evangelical base to come out and vote, but still.] Why not just say, let each state handle marriage like it is being handled now and forever since the institution began? Wouldn't that put you more in the middle and win over those few independent votes that you want? I know you are trying to motivate the right to get out and vote, but I would imagine it would be easier to motivate the middle that will vote to vote for you.

And America, why do you support embryonic stem-cell research when scientists have repeatedly said we don't know what we can do with them as of yet, because we haven't researched it yet. We're still working on adult stem cell research. If they're not sure they can cure Parkinson's or Cancer, because they haven't studied the genetic make up of embryonic stem cells yet, how do we know they can? Better yet, how do we know that adult stem cells won't do it. We don't. Let the scientists do the initial research to find out whether it can be done or not before we jump on the band wagon to support it. Because I guarentee no one in America knows enough about this topic to vote on it. Not when even Time Magazine and the Washington Post are questioning the intelligence many Americans understand. There needs to be an education seminar first.

And again for Kerry, if you claim you aren't going to hire a judge [assuming they don't hold their seats until you leave office and a Republican steps in, if and a big if you beat Bush] that will overturn Roe v Wade, are you not participating in job discrimination? Doesn't that make you a part of the problem versus part of the solution? Also how do you respond to the accusation from the current Nobel Prize winner in Economics, Edward C. Prescott, that your proposed plans for our economy would send us into a recession?

Bush, why won't you outline a more cohesive plan for Iraq? We all know yours is better than Kerry's, because his is your plan, but with the word faster in it [like you can determine speed in situations like this, wars take time people]. Tell the people how you plan on smoking out the insurgents. Tell the people how you plan to encourage the Iraqi interim gov't to make the right decisions. Tell the people that we aren't even letting our soldiers do most of the work the Iraqi soldiers are. Tell the people you plan on asking foreign countries like Germany to help train these Iraqi troops. You should ask the Israelis, they know how to handle terrorism. Why aren't you being more proactive against Nuclear Proliferation? Talks only get you so far. While we're talking with these nations why aren't we imposing sanctions and boycotts. If we won't sell Iran or N. Korea goods, do you think they'll listen more? I think they will once their people starve, have no homes, no clothes, no jobs, and by people I mean their politicians. There must be consequences for violating actions. The UN must understand that and be willing to enforce it. The UN needs reforming to make it a more functional unit. Make Woodrow Wilson's philosophy work. Yeah I'm supporting a Democrat's idea. I like a lot of their ideas, I hate their execution. Republican's just do it better.

Which brings me to the last part of my rant. I'm forming a political party and after I get into the business world a bit more, I'm talking on my city politics under my new party in order to work my way up the ladder into the state and federal governments. The Texas constitution needs to be drastically reformed and if I have to I will do it. I'm almost done, but I'm stopping for now. I may have a part two later on.

Yeah there is a reason I'm glad seventeen year olds can't vote. Hell, I would be willing to raise it back up to 21 again, even if it meant I would lose my right to vote for another year.

Misconceptions.

Fri, 22 Oct 2004 22:00:45 GMT

I find it funny that the common perception of me is much different than the actuality of who I am. I am horrible with grammar, but I write and everyone tends to associate writing with grammar perfection. Nope. I write very loosely. I will brutally agonize over structure and other aspects of writing, but grammar doesn't bother me so much. Another misnomer that amuses me is that I have a horse like all Texans. Most of us have never seen a horse and a smaller percentage of us own one. I do not. Think it would be amusing if I did, but alas I don't. There is more than to go on and on about, but there's school. I gotta go find out why my teacher hates President Johnson so much as I sit back and spit facts about why he was a halfway decent president.

Mon, 11 Oct 2004 18:06:34 GMT

I've been working on writing out a couple chapters for a novel this past week inbetween doing class work and what not, but I've realized that most of it is stealing from the short Punk Love that I wrote awhile ago. It's kinda weird seeing it's influence seep into what I'm writing. ANyway this was a basic update with not net worth, except informing.

For the writers

Sun, 03 Oct 2004 01:37:11 GMT

If you would like to apply for a writing workshop that's conducted online with other writers:

Cryovault Workshops

And if you would like to submit your works to a higher standard of online literary magazine:

Cyanide Magazine

It's just starting out so submissions are more than appreciated I'm told.

Example of a review.

Sat, 02 Oct 2004 07:34:44 GMT

This is an example of how nice I am when I review. I thought it was funny in it's constructive but obviously pissed off criticism. When you waste the time reading a five page short like I did you get that way. Anyway I thought it was worth reprinting. I thought it was also a good way to show what I like in critiques. [Well slightly less brutual.]

First off, you are a writer and as one you must recognize the fact that you will have to change certain aspects of your stories. If you tell everyone that things won't change then you are shooting your own foot and will have to sit there and bleed, because no one is going to drive your gimp ass to the hospital. Editors tend to have a grasp of what is marketable and what is sellable. If you have a novel that contains too much violence they'll compromise with you until they can get it down to a level in which they can make sure you sell. [By sell I mean to a publisher.]

Second, I recognize the fact that it is difficult to come up with an original story plot, but there is such a thing as beating a dead horse. You don't do it. The oh my god I forgot what happened last night, scenario is a bit tied and dried. Twist it around, have him walking in confessing he killed someone when in reality he wasn't even around when it happened. He just wanted the attention. Take the cliche and make it your own so to speak. Be different, not a sheep with white wool.

If you are going to use a jagged approach that shows a lapse of memory, then please by all means show us that. Don't tell us. His thoughts were annoying after the first page. If you would have described things rather than thinking them the matter would be much better. For instance describe how unfamiliar things were to him, 'I ran into the wall, there's no wall there in my flat' instead of 'This isn't my place is it?' There is more power in the first description than there is in his statement.

Fourth, police will not knock that many times. Granted it was for literary affect, but you could easily have condensed and withdrawn half the knocks and used them to more effect as an interruption if they weren't all over the place. It's just like the idea of using a word so much that it loses it's power. If everyword is fuck then it's not nearly as offensive. Same thing. You use knock so often that it loses it's power as an interuption and I found myself skipping over that part entirely to get to the next chunk of writing. Use it sparingly and it becomes more meaningful.

Fifth, know the procedures before you write them. If police are coming to break down your door, chances are they are already prepared. They don't come knocking until you are surrounded in high profile instances like this. Research is essential. Also if Prozac is going to be your pill to gorget memories that better be a side effect. As far as I know, memory loss with Prozac is rare and usually associated with apathy. Plus many people who take it feel disconnected from their person. Your person seems to experience neither under the conditions. He loses memory, but that's more alcoholic negligance than anything. And he's certainly not detached or improved emotionally. He's panicked and very much aware he's in a shitty situation.

I can keep going, but basically; tighten everything with an overhaul and take this from first draft to the second. Go for broke and try again. You never maintain things from the first draft in my experience and I advise you edit this piece several times before trying to go elsewhere with it. It is weak in many areas that can easily be improved.

Debates

Sat, 02 Oct 2004 05:20:49 GMT

Watched the debates last night. I think there's definitely a spin coming from CNN on the performance of both canidates although Kerry did do a good job. Unfortunately he needs a better fact checker so that he can get within the ballpark on his facts. Bush needs to check his so that his numbers better line up than what he said. It was $41.7 million for Homeland security not $30mil. And that's a 2.5 increase over the original $17.4mil that it was at before 9/11. But I think that's much better than saying we did not seek alliances. I'm pretty sure having a few dozen countries is a big alliance. Just because we don't have France, Germany, and Russia's permission doesn't mean we don't have support.

Oh well, I'm saving all my ranting for after them all. VP Debate on Tues. FIGHT CENSORSHIP BUY A BANNED BOOK TODAY!

Banned Book Week

Sun, 26 Sep 2004 16:24:33 GMT

Banned Book Week started yesterday and I was unable to make mention of it, because I was at work and at school. Book banning is a form of censorship and oppression that should not be tolerated in our current society. So each and every single one of us must stand up against it and fight to find out the truth behind the book and what makes it so foul. Most of the time it's something stupid like foul language or violence. This shit still happens today so we must unite and support our brethern books. Buy it. Go to your bookstore and buy the book.

And things like this are still happening to this day in our society. Some of you know that I participate in a street team whose goal is to help promote the work of Will Christopher Baer. He wrote Kiss Me, Judas and anyone who reads his book becomes a fan immediately. Even fans of Chuck Palahniuk and Hubert Selby Jr. are torn from their passionate roots with those men to support Baer as equally good or even better. Credit be given to the other authors for being introductions into a new world of literature like Gordon Lish did for me, but credit is due to greatness as well.

Well one of the other members lives in Littleton, Colorado and was doing a fine job at distributing his advanced copies to students he thought would be interested in the book. He had about 20 distributed when he was called into the office by the principal who proceeded to confiscate all the books he had distributed from every child who had one and his own personal copy of Baer's newest release Hell's Half Acre. He was threatened with suspension if he continued to pass out the books.

To get the full story and see how book banning is occuring underneath our very noses, go here to read his story.

To find out more about Banned Books Week, read over here.

To find out more about the books that are being confiscated in Littleton, follow the link.

Help spread the word so that everyone can be enlightened by this incident. Post this in your journal or your own version of it.

stalked.

Sat, 25 Sep 2004 07:30:30 GMT

I was found by someone I didn't want to be found by on IM. So if we talk on AIM and you would like my new screenname then email me. Or comment with your email.

If you would like to start talking to me, do the same. I'm pretty cool about talking with people. I don't mind it all.

Oh and if you email me. Tell me who you are and where I know you from, it makes things easier for me. Thanks a lot.

It's the propaganda, Stupid!

Thu, 23 Sep 2004 22:19:29 GMT

I'm sick and tired of people's political opinions at work. No I do not want to engage in a conversation with you about how much Bush sucks. No I don't want to explain to you why Kerry won't be elected in 2004 unless A, B, C, D, and E are met. So just buy your damn books and keep walking, close mouth as feet move. Don't wear your political affiliation on your sleeve either. I don't care if you're a democrat or republican or liberalist [well actually those guys scare me with their version of leftist ideas]. And bumper stickers. Let's point out my favorite fallacies mmkay.

"Leave no billionaire behind." Kerry's wife is a billionaire. He becomes president he would be dragging them along into the white house. Plus he's tied to more billionaires and more money than Bush. Even Edwards is richer than Bush and Cheney.

"No body died when Clinton lied." Bullshit. Bullshit. BULLSHIT! Sudan. Rwanda. Kosovo. Czech Republic. Congo. Korea. Vietnam. Cambodia. Russia. And I can keep going. Armenia. Iraq. WORLD TRADE CENTER! Iran.

"Are you poor enough yet? Vote Democrat." Again, raising taxes doesn't make you richer. If you want to keep more money in the people's pockets lower politicians' salaries so they aren't making 200k a year or more, cut the size of their staffs, eliminate pointless spending in the Gov't, and keep taxes low. A flat tax at 25% can keep our nation well funded. Ask Dick Armey and Ross Perot, they found a way to do it with less than that.

"10 out of 10 Terrorists agree, anybody, but Bush." Actually that one is true so to speak. Unless we had a canidate that was harder on terrorism than he is. Unfortunately Kerry personifies the image of a push-over. Line his pockets, he looks the other way. Getting rid of Bush would mean there's discontent with the way he's performing and that may mean more flexibility for terrorists. That bumper sticker just pisses me off though, because it's not like they polled a group of terrorists.

"Flush the Johns." Actually that one makes me laugh.

"Vietnam does not influence today." It's a good idea that Kerry shouldn't focus his WHOLE platform on Vietnam, but I think there's a relevance today. Vietnam shows what happens when the people get upset and discontent with a war. It also showed that people in the US seem to think that a war takes five minutes. Hell WWII took how many years? Vietnam? Civil War? Korea? Kosovo? These things take time people, just be patient.

Arg. That's it for now. I'll piss you off later.

Wedding Night Ruined.

Mon, 20 Sep 2004 05:56:06 GMT

Just some fun while I work on conceptualization for a novel for the upcoming National Novel Writing Month [November]. I think I'm going to be using something similar to open it. It was written to kinda give me time away from the plotting and character developing [mostly what I'm doing]. Enjoy and as always C&C is welcome.

I crunch the dirt as I walk through the electric fence out into the open world. The sun burns my eyes and I have to look down. My throat is dry with dust and I pull a crumpled cigarette I won during poker out of my pocket and turn to the guard to ask for a light. He flicks me a book of matches with the prison's name on it. See you soon, he says. I just glare at him from under my dark rumpled hair and tell him to fuck off. He laughs at me and spits at the ground next to my feet. I could kill him with heel of my shoe. Just knock him to the ground and dig it into his throat, but I'm not going back, not over him.

There's a gray car parked across the pitch. Gray, because the color has been ripped off. I shuffle my feet. I'm not sure I want to see her yet. Not when I'm still wearing the tuxedo they pulled me out of the chapel hall in. She was dressed in white and her face was hid, but I knew she was in tears when they came bursting through the door. I had promised her a day she would never forget and I'm sure she hasn't. It's not what I meant. She was afraid and cowered in Tucker's shoulder. My eyes swelled and were red as I called out to her not to worry. There were guns pointed at my head and officers shouting to put my hands behind my head, drop to my knees, lay down, lay your hands out in front. I was cuffed and pulled around like a dominatrix' submissive. The world was silent with the sound of her tears piercing my heartstrings.

Why couldn't Tucker pick me up? I'm not ready to see her.

She never visited while I was behind bars and we only exchanged two letters. The first one was to tell me that she was looking into an appeal and the second came three years later to say that I was denied one and she was going to change her name and go into hiding. She didn't want to get involved in whatever I was. I told her I was framed, but she didn't say she believed me. I don't blame her. My words sounded rehearsed like a teenager's before he tells his father he hit a dog in the car and it caused him to run off the road into a sign. He repeats the words out loud trying to pinpoint the inflections so that he can get his father more concerned with the dog then the fifty thousand dollar car. She wrote she's sorry, but she can't risk it with a family. I wrote her back, but there was never a response. And now she was coming out of hiding to pick me up. I'm not ready to see her.

I try to watch the birds fly through the clear sky, blue like paint. They don't even appear to flap their wings and I wonder if we live in a computer program and my release is just a product of an electronic dream like that movie. The one with the wooden actor. I put the cigarette out in my palm and put it in my pocket. I'm not letting those guards slap me with a littering fine. They would all wet their jeans in excitement if I did. I head to the car.

She's not in it, Tucker is.

"Where's Jessi?"

"Nice to see you too, you look like hell."

"Yeah, hey, why are you driving Jessi's car?"

"She sold it to me and told me to do anything that involved you in it. She was afraid she was being followed, so I agreed."

"Thanks for leading whoever is after me right back to me."

He smirks and offers to take me to get a bite to eat. I haven't had real food in years and I'm not sure I can handle it. I ask if we can stop by a gas station and pick up something with alcohol in it and cigarettes. I have twenty dollars from inside. That's six months of poker earnings off of quarter bets. I want to waste it all on fluid and cancer.

2008

Fri, 17 Sep 2004 18:07:42 GMT

Condoleezza Rice in 2008.

For a Girl remixed.

Tue, 14 Sep 2004 04:47:23 GMT

She walks down the hall with her hair flowing like ribbons. The pink streaks identifying her from a distance that makes the me suffer Arryhythmias. I quiver at the knee and bite my lower lip till it bleeds. She's at least four classes away and I still need a wall or locker to support myself. My breathe escapes my lungs like a sucker punch to the chest. It's stale and shallow. She stops to talk to a friend, but looks over her shoulder and catches my eye. The world becomes muted, blurred, and halted. I wonder if she can hear my breathing or the irregular beating in my chest from where she stands. The smell of her lip gloss floats like spirits over the crowd of people and fills my lungs. My lungs fill with water and I remember what it's like to drown beneath blocks of ice. The world fast forwards and my movement slows like I'm underwater, laborious. Hypothermia should set it. She leans into my ear and purrs. I gasp. Quickly she traps that air and feeds me her sad air in liplock. The water leaves my lungs when she pulls away and I can breathe again. Breaking through the ice and resurfacing. It hurts to breathe, it feels like I've been stabbed. I know it's not true, she has my heart in her hands.

Randomness for a girl.

Mon, 13 Sep 2004 20:09:38 GMT

She walks the streets with her hair looking of ribbons. The pink so intense it could be a bad cop in a dark room scenario. She sways her hips, I lose my mind. She purrs her "R's" and I curl over and die. Somethings night right in the distance of roads. It seems so close, but is so far. When I stand by her I can't help, but stare in those eyes. They suck me in like a good porn video, and I forget my surroundings. She's the reason I would get tattoos of birds on my blades, but stop to find something better instead. She presses her cheek into my side when we sit and I stroke the hair that calms my twitch. There is no one around us and the world becomes flat. I am free of all shackles and breathe easy like on ice. When I'm around her I have arryhythmias and I quiver at the knees. I just want to suck on her sad air and play with her dried hair. It makes me feel needed and that's all I want.

September is a Month No One Cares About.

Sun, 12 Sep 2004 19:22:18 GMT

Fuck Columbus Day.

Mourn on 9.11.

No body cares that we celebrate the perpetuator of the world's possible largest acts of genocide and starter of the slave trade, but they forget that yesterday was a great time of loss for our country. I was disgusted when a lady came into work and asked if there was a discount for books purchased that pertained to American History. I almost reached across the counter and bitch slapped her for being insensitive to the fact that 3000 of our fellow people would massacre and forced into suicide in a time span of mere hours. Fuck people. Those cold heartless bastards that walk the streets with their heads high. Those incompetent people who never gave a damn if it didn't involve personal gain. Fuck them. We don't need them. Get the fuck out of this country.

[Wrote it yesterday, but forgot to post it.]

Banned Books Week.

Mon, 06 Sep 2004 16:32:42 GMT

Just wanted to let you all know that Banned Books Week is from Sept. 25th - Oct. 2nd this year. Take a little time to read a banned book or two to help fight censorship. Go and request some from your library. For a list of the most challenged books, visit the American Library Association's site: www.ala.org. I'll probably post this again closer to the date.

Politics for the day; tragedy for others.

Fri, 03 Sep 2004 17:53:19 GMT

I would just like to say while I tend to vote both ways like most independents, I think Bush delivered an great speech last night, by addressing numerous domestic issues, laying out an agenda for his four years, touching on his strengths, and addressing his weaknesses. The best part was he acknowledged that his speech wasn't very specific on every issue and he told people where to go to find out the specifics if they were interested. As a whole compared to the DNC and Kerry's speech, I think the RNC and Bush were more effective. There should be a change in the polls, which we all know aren't very reliable. Anyway, I'm not just trying to persuade you I think you should vote for whoever you want, so long as it is informed. There are several places you can register to vote and find information. Any newspaper can inform you if you can read between the lines and get past the editorial leanings politically.

Register:
http://declareyourself.com
http://citizenchange.com

[May need to register with newspaper to read articles, but they are free memberships.]

Next I would like to say that Russia may have faced one of the strongest terrorist attacks since 9.11, by having to deal with the hostage situation at the school. Handling it possibly the only way they could. They stormed the school and confronted the kidnappers/terrorists in a violent bloodbath. The fate of many is unclear. Although it is unsure as of now there are beliefs that al-Qaida was behind the hostage situation which held more than 1,200. This was originally believed to be a struggle of the Chechen to claim independence through terrorism, but President Vladmir Putin believes otherwise upon hearing that 10 of the 20 attackers were Arab. Consult a paper to find more.